Build a Stronger Partnership with These Marriage Counseling Questions

Love is always in the air.

‍

Our native culture and traditions, the many ethnic groups in the nation, and the customs we inherited from our colonists—from "panliligaw" to pre-nuptial photoshoots—have shaped dating and marriage customs in our country.

We may be unaware of these influences in our romantic relationships, but it is evident that couples take into account the role of family and godparents during their marriage, plan an extravagant proposal to their partner, and decide whether to marry in a church or a civil wedding.

Needless to say, we want to emphasize that you and your partner are the most important people in your romantic relationship. Here are some questions to ask your partner before you ask for their hand or say, "Yes."

‍

Reminder: Before having these conversations, remember to create a safe space to communicate, be honest, and remain curious, as emotions may develop for both you and your partner.

‍

‍

1. Is there anything on your mind that you haven't mentioned to me and would like to share?

Follow-up Questions:

• What are the areas of concern that we should address?
• When do you feel ______ with me? (e.g., loved, trusted, frustrated, pleased, "tampo")

Before moving on to the next chapter of your lives, it is a good idea to discuss subjects that you were scared to discuss with your partner or that you may have put under the rug. More importantly, it could help with managing any problems that may arise, as well as determining how your partner feels more appreciated and seen.

‍

2. What traditions would you like us to foster in our family?

Follow-up questions:

• Do you have any suggestions for things we should do together?
• Is there anything from the past that you'd like us to do again?
• What religious and political beliefs and practices would you wish to instill in our family?

It is critical to discuss how you want your family to thrive and what values, traditions, and beliefs you want to instill in your children. These activities would include prior ones you did when you were both single, as well as new ones you'd like to start, such as Friday movie nights or week-long camping trips every summer.

‍

3. What are your feelings about having children? Pets?

This is a difficult topic to discuss because some people may have strong views or reservations about having children or pets, which can influence whether they commit to the next stage in the relationship. Discussing why they might change their mind about having children, pets, or none may also help.

‍

4. Should we resolve our disagreement immediately or let it rest before talking?

We cannot avoid disagreements, and doing so leads to misunderstandings and resentments. It would be beneficial and polite for both parties to take into account how each of you manages disagreements.

‍

‍

5. How will we find a balance between who handles home and family responsibilities during and after work hours?

One of the most challenging aspects of entering the next phase of your life will be time management. It can be helpful to be clear about your schedule and the tasks you're willing to undertake, such as picking up the kids from school, paying the bills, and cleaning the kitchen.

‍

6. What are our financial goals?

Now that you're thinking about creating a family, it's necessary to talk about your financial goals. This can also include which investments you want to make for the two of you, such as a house or a car.

‍

7. What can we do to improve our sexual experiences?

Previously considered a taboo subject in our culture, it is now essential in any intimate relationship. Find out what your partner enjoys doing in bed and what they are open to trying that could benefit both of you. Talking about our wants and preferences in the bedroom demonstrates that we care and consider what makes our partner feel loved and wanted.

‍

8. How would you feel about marriage counseling?

It may be difficult to resolve issues, even after your best efforts to discuss and resolve them. Before deciding, ask if your partner is comfortable with a counselor to help you grow and improve your relationship.

‍

When you and your partner are able to sit down and discuss your problems, you can begin handling them as a team. Remember that these challenges and concerns may take time to handle, but with compromise, acceptance, understanding, and patience toward your significant other and yourself, you can overcome them together.

Though difficult, relationships are rewarding and thrilling. Growing in life, both individually and as a couple, is an essential factor, especially as you and your partner progress to the next stage of your relationship.

‍

References:

• Chan, K. (2024, March 22). Marriage Counseling Questions to Ask Your Partner. Retrieved from Verywell Mind: https://www.verywellmind.com/15-marriage-counseling-questions-to-ask-your-partner-7510510
• Filipino Weddings: Weaving together History, Heritage, and Culture. (2024, July 13). Retrieved from Jose Melgarejo: https://www.josemelgarejo.com/filipino-wedding-traditions/
• Panganiban, K. (2024, July 13). Newly Engaged? Answer These Questions Before You Say, ‘I Do’. Retrieved from The Gottman Institute: https://www.gottman.com/blog/newly-engaged-answer-these-questions-before-you-say-i-do/

‍